Understanding the Window of Tolerance and How it Affects You
The window of tolerance was originally described by Dr. Dan Siegel as the optimal zone of arousal in which a person would be able to function and deal with day-to-day stress most effectively.
Most people can deal with the demands and stress of everyday life without much difficulty. However, for those who have experienced trauma, anxiety, or other mental illness, it can be difficult to stay in your optimal zone.
Recognizing your window of tolerance and what happens to you physically and emotionally is an important first step. This knowledge enables you to widen your window of tolerance and improve that optimal zone.
Deviating from your window of tolerance is still likely to occur during your road to recovery. When you dysregulate there are many self-regulating techniques you can utilize to bring yourself back.
What is the Window of Tolerance
The window of tolerance is the zone where intense emotional arousal can be processed in a healthy way, allowing you to function and react to stress or anxiety effectively.
It allows you to respond to the demands and stress of everyday life without much difficulty. It is the comfort zone in which we have the ability to self-soothe and self-regulate our emotional state.
Try and think of a time when you were in a balanced calm state of mind, you felt relaxed and in control. Do you remember feeling calm, grounded, alert, safe, and present? This is what it feels like when you are in the optimal zone.
How Trauma Can Affect Your Window of Tolerance
When the balance is interfered with, either due to trauma or extreme stress, we end up leaving our window of tolerance. Our bodies typically react defensively to this.
This is where you will begin to dysregulate and experience fight or flight responses. If it is not possible to fight or flee, your body will collapse to the freeze state.
When the body responds defensively, it is just trying to keep us safe. This is a normal response when you are put in unsafe situations. However, trauma and extreme stress can create these similar responses that stick with us, even long after the event has passed.
Any undue stress or anxiety generates fear and negativity that could result in your body triggering those defenses. This is because your mind thinks the trauma or extreme stress you experienced in the past is reoccurring.
Dysregulation
Dysregulation occurs when you start to deviate outside of your window of tolerance, you will start to feel agitated or anxious. You do not feel comfortable but you're not out of control yet.
Past this point is where your bodies defenses start to take over. You experience various symptoms such as anxiety and you are out of control. This is where fight, flight, or freeze responses occur.
There are two states, known as Hyperarousal and Hypoarousal, that occur when you dysregulate. In these two states, you can experience a variety of symptoms.
Hyperarousal
Hyperarousal is characterized by excessive activation or energy. You will usually experience a heightened sense of anxiety, which may make you more sensitive or overly responsive to things that occur in your daily life.
The fight and flight responses occur in the hyperarousal state and you may experience symptoms such as:
anxiety
panic
fear
hypervigilance
defensive
angry
Hyperarousal also keeps your mind “stuck on” and makes it difficult to sleep, eat, manage emotions, or concentrate. If hyperarousal reaches the most intensified level, this may result in dissociative rage and hostility.
Hypoarousal
Hypoarousal is the complete opposite of hyperarousal. This experience of too little arousal is the result of freeze responses which can cause symptoms such as:
numbness
no feelings
lack of energy
inability to think or respond
reduced physical movement
ashamed
Hypoarousal can also impact your sleep and eating habits, leaving you feeling emotionally flat. You will be unable to express yourself, process thoughts and emotions, and respond physically.
Smooth Sailing
When you go throughout your day and you can deal with the demands and stress life throws at you. This is known as smooth sailing because you can sail throughout the day dealing with any challenges in a positive way.
Dysregulation occurs when you start deviating from the smooth sailing path. You begin to feel uncomfortable, agitated, or anxious but you’re still in control.
Ideally, you want to bring yourself back into the window of tolerance at this point. This is because you are still in control and it offers the least amount of resistance. To bring yourself back use the self-regulating techniques here.
If you can’t bring yourself back into that optimal state you will deviate to the hyperarousal or hypoarousal states and experience fight, flight, or freeze responses.
How to Recognize Your Window of Tolerance
Understanding the way we function is critical to maintaining that balance. Being aware of when you are within your window of tolerance allows you to leverage that to accomplish the things you need.
Understanding how something makes you feel emotionally and physically gives you an understanding of where you are in your window of tolerance. If you can recognize your symptoms, you will better be prepared to be able to bring yourself back into it.
There are four simple steps to recognize your window of tolerance:
Pay Attention to Your Symptoms
Identify Symptoms You Experience
Distress Level
Identify the Cause
Recognizing my own window of tolerance, the symptoms I experience, and the severity was a significant help in my own recovery. Previously, I did not have any awareness of what I was experiencing. The lack of awareness made it difficult to try self-regulate because I wasn’t even aware it was happening.
This awareness gave me the opportunity to take action so I could self-regulate when I started to dysregulate. You can take that same opportunity by building that awareness of your window of tolerance with the worksheet.
Window of Tolerance Awareness Worksheet
To help you recognize your window of tolerance and build awareness of your symptoms, I have provided you with a simple worksheet.
Print a free copy of the worksheet and go through the following steps explained below.
1. Pay Attention to Your Symptoms
When you recognize what you are experiencing might not be right, stop and pause for a moment. Focus your thoughts and pay attention to the emotional and physical responses of your body. Think about what are you feeling, what were you doing that would have caused this, how does your body react?
I know it can be difficult to recognize when you are experiencing these symptoms. But try to keep it in the back of your mind so when it does happen you are a little bit more aware.
You might not be able to recognize your symptoms every single time, but just keep practicing and it will become more instinctive. Try to familiarize yourself with the list of symptoms on the worksheet to help you better recognize your own symptoms.
This awareness is the first important step in learning to manage and control the stress or anxiety you experience. Without first being aware of what is happening to you, you cannot possibly try to manage it.
2. Identify Symptoms You Experience
The next step is to identify what symptoms you experience due to stress or anxiety caused by daily life. These symptoms are categorized into hyperarousal and hypoarousal.
Try to think about what is happening to your body when you are experiencing undue stress and anxiety. You may not know right away and may have to pay more attention to your body and feelings the next time. Try to identify a few at first.
If the symptom you experience is not listed, there are a few spots for you to write your own on the bottom of the worksheet. I encourage you to do so as everyone’s experience is unique to them, this includes the feelings, thoughts, and physical responses.
3. Distress Level
Next, you want to identify the distress level the symptoms make you feel. For each symptom, rank from 1 to 5; one being least severe and five being extreme and paralyzing. Consider your emotions and any physical distress you may experience.
By ranking the severity, it helps you understand which symptoms will occur when you are just starting to experience dysregulation and which are so severe you are no longer in control of your body.
4. Identify the Cause
Think back to when you were experiencing the hyperarousal and hypoarousal symptoms. Try to identify the cause or trigger of the dysregulation by focusing on what you may have been doing, was it something someone said to you or were you thinking about something in particular.
By identifying the cause or trigger you can better be prepared next time when it occurs. If it is something in your control, avoiding that same situation would be ideal but isn’t always practical. Therefore, the next steps will teach you how to bring yourself back into the window of tolerance when it does happen.
How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance
Learning to manage your window of tolerance will enable you to deal with the demands of life. There are two ways to stay within your optimal zone:
Widen Your Window of Tolerance
Self-Regulate
Widening your window of tolerance helps to keep yourself in the optimal zone longer so you are less likely to dysregulate when you experience stress or anxiety.
Self-Regulating helps you process stress and anxiety and bring yourself back into the window of tolerance so you can deal with the demands of life.
1. Widen Your Window of Tolerance
Think of your window of tolerance as a river and you’re floating in the middle down that river. When you expand your window of tolerance the river widens and the flow slows down. You are comfortable and safe flowing down the calm waters.
However, when you experience adversity, trauma, undue stress, or anxiety your window of tolerance shrinks and the river begins to narrow and speeds up. You start to feel uncomfortable, unsafe and have difficulty keep yourself afloat.
Window of Tolerance Infographic This infographic helps to illustrate the window of tolerance when you experience dysregulation, hyperarousal, and hypoarousal states.
Download a free printable copy for your reference.
There are four ways we can increase your window of tolerance and maintain that safe comfortable experience while dealing with various situations life throws at us.
Practice Mindfulness
Being mindful helps to deal with undue stress and emotions by paying attention and staying in the present moment. It’s not about stopping any unwanted stress or anxiety, but rather allowing those moments to pass without your body reacting in a negative way.
You can practice mindfulness by:
Building Awareness
focus your attention
identify what you are feeling
ask yourself why do you feel that way
question why those feelings matter
Be More Open
let yourself feel everything, be open to both positive and negatives
don’t push away unpleasant thoughts or emotions
let negatives flow and pass through your mind
Be More Accepting
accept feelings of both positive and negative experiences
avoid judgment or censoring of your thoughts and feelings
don’t be ashamed, embrace it instead
Be Present
stay in the present moment and focus on what you are currently doing
pay attention without judgment
avoid multitasking as this is mentally draining
Increase Happiness
There are four happiness chemicals that your brain releases when you feel good. These chemicals are known as DOSE. When you are happy and have a positive experience, your window of tolerance will naturally expand.
By understanding how each of the chemicals works, you can trigger the release of one of the chemicals to improve your happiness.
Here are some examples of activities you can do to “Get Your Daily DOSE of Happiness”:
Dopamine
make a to-do list (each time you tick off a task you increase dopamine levels)
create something such as writing, music, arts and crafts
meditate
Oxytocin
physical touch, cuddling, hugging, and even eye contact
socializing with friends and family
listening to music
Serotonin
getting sunshine outdoors
cold showers
getting a massage
Endorphin
laughter and crying
eating dark chocolate or spicy foods
creating music or art
Get a copy of the daily DOSE infographic here.
Reduce Shame
It is common for everyone to experience shame from time to time. But if you are constantly feeling embarrassed and self-critical, it can be debilitating to your mental health.
Here are five simple steps to reduce shame:
Name your shame
Listen to how you speak to yourself
Write about your shame
Tell someone you trust
Reframe it by using affirmations and self-compassion
Build Resilience
Resilience is important for adapting in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, or stress. Building up your resilience will directly expand your window of tolerance and improve your ability to deal with difficult life experiences.
Build Connections
prioritize relationships by connecting with those close to you
join a group and build one-on-one relationships
Foster Wellness
focus on all three aspects of health, not just one or two of them (physical, mental, and social)
Avoid negative outlets (masking your pain with substance abuse)
Find Purpose
look for opportunities for self-discovery
take steps towards your goals (long term and short term goals)
embrace change and be optimistic
help others (supporting a friend, volunteering, connecting with support groups)
2. How to Self-Regulate
Going back to the analogy of your window of tolerance being a river you float down. Self-regulation is an island along that river. When you start to feel uncomfortable and have difficulty staying afloat, you can stop and take a moment.
This gives you an opportunity to return back into your window of tolerance. When you’re not too far out of your window of tolerance, you have a better opportunity to self-regulate.
The further outside you are, the more severe the symptoms will be which makes it more difficult to self-regulate. Overcoming hyperarousal is also generally easier than compared to self-regulating when you experience hypoarousal.
This is why awareness is so important, it gives you the ability to identify when you first begin to dysregulate. Being able to recognize your window of tolerance allows you to take action, you can use one of the techniques below.
Self-Regulate Hyperarousal
When you experience hyperarousal symptoms you can soothe yourself with these techniques:
Release your anger (try one of these)
close your eyes and lay down to let yourself relax and calm down
give yourself a 10-second hug by wrapping your arms around yourself and holding tightly
stretch your arms out in front of you to relieve that tension built up
shake it off to relive that stress
take a drink of water to cool yourself down and calm your nerves
Breathing exercise
pause for a moment
take a long and slow deep breath
inhale with your nose and fill your lungs
hold the breath for 3 seconds
exhale with your mouth
count each breath and do at least 10 deep breaths
Meditate
being mindful and meditating go hand in hand
helps to regulate emotions and thoughts
relives stress by calming you down
Practice yoga
yoga is the practice of controlling the mind and body
improves your concentration and reduces stress
relieves any tension built-up
Self-Regulate Hypoarousal
When you experience hypoarousal symptoms you can activate your body with these techniques:
Activate your senses (tap into your five senses)
warm bath
massage
aromatic candles or scents
music or natural sounds
tasty food
Grounding exercises (try one of these)
notice your feet connecting with the floor, how does it make you feel
hold an object in your hand and really focus on it
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exercise, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, open your eyes, and look around the room and acknowledge:
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Additional Self-Regulation Techniques
Physical activity
any form of physical exercise you enjoy helps
Challenge your thoughts
recognizing negative thoughts, challenge the thought and reframing them in a positive way
here is a worksheet to challenge automatic negative thoughts
Write things down
writing helps clear your thoughts and unloads all your emotions out
clearing mental clutter gives clarity and focus
here are some additional tips on how to write for mental health
Panic Anxiety Stress Support Kit (PASS)
mental health first aid kit to carry around with you
provides tips and tools for relieving anxiety and stress
simple, easy to use and access that provides real strategies to alleviate your symptoms
read more about what the mental health kit offers here
Start Managing Your Window of Tolerance
Learning to manage your window of tolerance can go a long way on your road to recovery from trauma, anxiety, or extreme stress. To recap, there are three main steps to take:
Recognize your window of tolerance and build awareness of your symptoms
Widen your window of tolerance to reduce the likelihood of leaving it
Self-regulate when you dysregulate and experience symptoms of hyperarousal or hypoarousal
Keep in mind that this takes continuous practice. There are no short cuts to recovery and doing this once or twice will not make a long-lasting impact on your mental wellbeing. Take things slow and try to learn one thing at a time.
Regularly practice of the tips and techniques mentioned will teach you to instinctively recognize your window of tolerance and self-regulate when required.
If you know someone suffering from past trauma or anxiety that could benefit from this guide, I encourage you to share this with them.